Help, I have done it again

Old habits die hard.  But I forgot how good this feels.  How it takes away the internal pain.  It numbs my insides, so that I don't have to feel anything.  Just dead.  And feeling dead is easier than feeling that much pain.

I don't want to feel anything anymore.

Ever.

#nomorepain

What he couldn't say

You know I'm not one to break promises,
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe.
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend,
But there's something inside that I need to release.
Which way is right, which way is wrong,
How do I say that I need to move on?
You know we're heading separate ways.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
So I'll be on my way.

You've given me more than I can return,
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve.
There's nothing to say, nothing to do.
I've nothing to give,
I must live without you.
You know we're heading separate ways.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
So I'll be on my way.

So I'll be on my way.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
There's nothing that I can really say.
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,
Got to be true to myself.
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,
So I'll be on my way.

So I'll be on my way.
So I'll be on my way.

I was listening to this song the other day, and I realized...this is exactly what Tim was trying to articulate when he broke up with me.  That doesn't mean it's the end.  But right now in his life...this is how he feels.

Somehow, this song encourages me.  Just knowing that this is how he feels.  I can handle it.

I can't really describe it.  But it makes sense to me.

#littlethingsthathelp